we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
