I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
