We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
