in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
