Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
