smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
