It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
