i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm passing your future prison.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
