STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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