butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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