Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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