I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
