She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Randomize
