here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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