Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
