alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
