Do you still have your period?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
