We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think your dad took our porno
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
