Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
