does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
