Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
