Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
