She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
