i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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