is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
