I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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