Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
