i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize