i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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