I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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