I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
