Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize