dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
