Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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