Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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