I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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