Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
