That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
