I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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