Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
