Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
