Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
