Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
