i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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