I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
