ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
