Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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