you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
