When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
