i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
