I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
even my farts smell like vagina
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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