i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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