i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
