Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
