Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just cropdusted the office
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
