there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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