So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
