So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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