My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
