Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize