She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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