We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
not ubering you a puppy
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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