Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
