How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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