I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize