Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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