Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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