She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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