I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Randomize
