no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
