woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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