best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
