I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
