No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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