don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
