I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
