I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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